The Dead List: JK's Homicidal Rampage
by Katty008
Summary: HP Bleach xover post 7:DH. Rukia and Ichigo are told to go to Rukongai and enlist the help of some souls with high reiatsu for the war against Aizen. Ichigo decides that he doesn't like owls, and Fred carries an ear around.


**Disclaimer: Don't own.**

**This is what happens when you look at 'Fred Ain't Dead' pics on deviantART while listening to Bleach music. It was asking for it, after JK went on a homicidal rampage in the seventh book. ****I got the idea for Fred carrying around George's ear and randomly yelling into it from a very funny pic.**

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Yes, Rukia knew that there were some weirdos in Rukongai. Actually, most of them were just violent madmen, but some were true weirdos. But this was ridiculous. 

An old grizzled man with a huge spinning eyeball, a woman with shocking pink hair, a redhead who carried around an ear, and an owl, among others.

Next to her Ichigo raised an eyebrow.

"Why are we here again?"

"Are you an idiot? Can't you feel the reiatsu coming from them?"

"Can't we just leave them here?"

"No, they're starting to affect the neighbors. At least one of them needs to become a shinigami. And anyway, we could use the extra manpower against Aizen."

"Well, I hope it'll be quick; just standing here is driving me batty."

Suddenly the owl swooped down from its perch and started flying around Ichigo's head. He flailed at it. "Get away you stupid bird!"

A man with sunken features and long black hair walked up and held out an arm. "Here Hedwig."

The owl, surprisingly enough, responded and landed on the man's outstretched arm. The man patted the owl's head before turning to Ichigo and Rukia. "Can I help you?"

Ichigo was having trouble working his jaw; Rukia answered instead. "Yes, who's in charge here?"

The man smiled. "That would be Dumbledore. Come on in. Name's Sirius Black by the way."

Rukia and Ichigo followed the man into the house as he called to the others around the house. "Oi, Snivellus, we got visitors! Ignore the chemistry set for a second!"

The greasy-haired man sent a glare in the direction of the other man. "I'm sure it doesn't concern me, Dementor bait."

"They're shinigami, so get your greasy head in here. Unless you want a little repeat of fifth year?"

"Can it, dog."

The man smirked. "I may not be a dog anymore, but you're still a greasy slimeball, Snivellus."

Ichigo finally found his voice. He poked Sirius Black in the back. "Do you mind? We're on a bit of tight schedule here."

"Oh, of course. Come on in. We've got visitors, Dumbledore!"

Inside, an old man with twinkling blue eyes was sitting at a table drinking tea. "Oh? Shinigami? Come on in and sit down."

Rukia bowed. "Our business concerns the whole household. If they could come in, please?"

As if on cue seven more people filed into the room, one clutching an ear. The one with bright pink hair was the first to talk. "Wassup Professor?"

'Professor Dumbledore' gestured to Ichigo and Rukia. "If you will?"

Rukia took that as the sign to start. "We are representatives of the Gotei 13. Right now a war is brewing between us and Aizen Sosuke, self-declared ruler of Hueco Mundo. The unusually high levels of reiatsu emitted by the occupants of this house have drawn us to ask you to become shinigami and help us fight."

The redhead yelled into the ear. "Hear that George? They want us to become shinigami!"

Surprisingly enough- and this was the scary part- a voice came _out_ of the ear.

"WILL YOU QUIT IT? I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF AN IMPORTANT MEETING!"

The redhead smirked. "Be sure to tell them Fred says hi!"

"THEY'LL THINK I'VE FINALLY LOST IT!"

The redhead was about to yell a reply into the ear when he caught the reproachful look of the man who looked older then he really was. He grinned bashfully. "Sorry Professor Lupin."

Ichigo decided to wrap it up before he went off the deep end. "Anyway, are any of you willing to enter the Shinigami Academy to become shinigami and help us fight Aizen?"

A man with messy black hair looked at a pretty woman with red hair and green eyes. "Well Lily?"

"I'll follow you to the end."

The two of them looked at Ichigo and Rukia. "We're in."

Sirius Black grinned. "It'd be nice to go out fighting a second time. Me too."

Lupin threw up his hands. "Death can't even separate the Marauders. Why not. Me too."

The woman with bright pink hair elbowed him. "Going somewhere without me? I'm following him."

The one with messy black hair smirked at 'Snivellus'. "I dare ya."

'Snivellus' rolled his eyes. "I'm going to regret this. I, Severus Snape, agree to join you."

The youngest one there caught the eyes of the redhead with the ear. "Well Fred?"

"Ced, it's either follow them or hang out with these two old farts for the rest of eternity."

"That's enough to convince me."

"Me too. Count Fred Weasley and Cedric Diggory in."

The one with the spinning eyeball harrumphed. "Old fart, eh? Well this old fart still has some fight left in him. I'm going too."

Nine expectant eyes reached Dumbledore. The old man smiled, his eyes twinkling incessantly. "In the face of such persuasion, I'd have to be a fool not to agree."

The one with messy hair smirked. "You were always a fool Albus."

"James, only a true fool can live as long as I did in the times that we did."

Rukia decided that now that they had all agreed to go it was time to leave. "We thank you for this. The new term at the Shinigami Academy starts in two weeks. We hope to see you in the Gotei 13 someday. Goodbye."

Ichigo and Rukia left. Ichigo stretched, glad to be out of there. "Anywhere else we need to stop?"

Rukia consulted a list. "Yeah… we need to find some guy named 'Riddle'."


End file.
